4 months of doing EVS / PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

I have to clear 3 questions once. They may sound stupid, I do not CARE. I can't keep it inside my head anymore. I'll post it/ say it straightforward like no one will read it! I hate being judged by others. I hate "hating". We do not realize but at some point we all judge / compare / estimate everything and everybody. WHY?

I bumped into this (see the picture below) during one afternoon walk in Turenki. Well done :)

1.Why is it kind of... hard for me to be happy? 

2. Why Do I trouble so much about other people's opinion on me? 

3. Why do I need them to like me here and now?

The answers:

• - I critisize myself that I have to be better and try harder;
• - I'm not satisfied of my results and productivity;
• - I'm afraid something bad happens everytime I feel happy
• - I'm fatalist sometimes and can't help it :(
• - others (will) think I'm not serious or do not care much;
• - I've treated badly in my life, unrespected;
• - I've lost little bit of trust in positive living in this cruel world

2.&3.

• - because I don't want to disappoint others;
• - because I'm a "social creature" /Aristotle/ and need someone's affection;
• - I'm afraid of being rejected and left behind; /do not tell me "go home.take the next flight"
• - I'm afraid of being criticized, JUDGED, or described;
• - I've spent some tough time on my own;
• - I'm afraid there's no one waiting for me or helping me;
• (I need to make sure this is not the case in Finland. I have to trust in people again! The main problem occurs from the fact that I don't believe in myself sometimes. So, it makes it hard to believe in others. I need to trust other people more and accept their help! Indeed, in Janakkala I see some people really care. Not just because this is their job. I believe it's their native attitude, professional/personal experience and understanding). 

Finally, STOP thinking about what other people think about you! Just be a good person, don't hate what you don't understand, don't judge but silently accept it and let them live however and think whatever they want. Do no harm even when you know that at the end the love I receive is not equial to the love I've given and vise versa. 

Shortly, I'm grateful. I must be no matter what. I mean all the basic needs here are provided for a healthy life in general. The problem with me is that I'm not sure I can manage the means and opportunities I have been given because I'm not experienced enough. I don't want to be perfect. This is insane, impossible, and worthless. I simply need to be needed. So put myself together and focus on what can at least try to do as a volunteer. This is my biggest concern 2016. These are my Rules 2016:

Funny Finnish Language Lab

Here is a short video of what Finnish 
language sounds like to me sometimes:

To be continued soon... Have fun...

Happy very merry Christmas and
successful new 2016 :)

EVS 2015 Reflection

 Moikka!

It's three months of doing EVS since I came in Tirenki (Janakkala), Finland. Time flies! It has hapened a lot so far, so I can surely say that my life has definitely been changed in some better and more positive way by all the children, teenagers, and teachers I met.

Firstly, I understood need to trust people more and accept their help. Indeed, in Janakkala, regarding school work, learning process, and teenagers' free time, I see that the people really care and work hard for better results. Not just because this is their job. I believe it's their native attitude, professional and personal experience and understanding. I'm grateful I can learn from professionals. Actually, on one side are the teachers, youth workers I met, try to help, and observe their work; on the other are all the young people (from preschool to lukio) I meet every day here. 

I'm happy to be in schools and around the students. Spending the time in three different schools and youth center Satama taught me that the biggest  and most demanding part of "my volunteering work" is to listen and let the others to talk and teach me how, what, when, or maybe why. I observed that younger students, especially preschoolers, 1st and 2nd grareds learn better when there is someone extra person like me to pay additional attention on them.

For example, they become more curious to speak to me and eager to learn and practice in English, maths, or doing some art or trying some crafty thing. I really do assure them they are good in English, because they really are. Having a "blackout poetry" class with 8th graders from Turenki is the most confident proof for that. It also shows, that I presented something very new, original, and educational to Finnsh students, which made us all happier, more excited and satisfied of doing an entertaining and educational task in English. It was my real time of being a teacher, who presents totally new subject, mentors and facilitate the class.

Additionally, I am very touched by the students and teachers from one small school I've visited recently. In near future, I would welcome every opportunity to work with them again. I don't know them very well still and I maybe don't know how serious and special their learning or personal needs are but at some moment I wanted to ask some of the head teachers if I could work there for real, so I can work with those students. I would say that to all the teachers and students I will be meeting during my EVS project because I'd like to work for better educational, social and healthy life for young people, and because I want a meaningful professional development.  

Also, I went to my first autumn camp with teenagers and youth leaders in Mallinkainen in October. It was great that we could talk for any changes, if  any issues occur can discuss, compromise and find common language. We speak different languages but there's always a way for common understanding. Mallinkainen camp showed me that a lot of patience, energy, and open-mindness are needed for understanding other's point. I've learned to regard positively all the difficulties I might encounter in future. I will smile and try to stay entirely wide open-minded.

Last, but not least, maybe the most important thing indeed that I'm highly glad about it is that I already know some of the full names of the youngsters, who visit the youth center I work. We just look at each other quickly, smile shyly, and I wrote their name in a notebook. I know little bit about them. I wish they knew me too.

Shortly, volunteering so far around three schools, autumn camp, and youth centers is helping me with answering to my questions:

What is my mission?                                       

Can I do that as a volunteer?
How and Can I make a difference? 

What does it mean to make a difference?
So, I simply know: the more I practice the better I can manage in my future tasks.  

Kiitoksia,
Monika B